Find someone you love, Love someone you care, Care someone loves you

I hate being like this, but it all came back to me whenever my life is full of disappointment and conflicts.

Why do people always struggle in a relationship like this..

Why can't people put more efforts on loving and caring someone who loves them..


My life has never been so right ever since I met this person...
I don't like the way he does to me (that's what he means for his "love").
I don't get satisfied with what he does to me (it's just never been right... I am now too frustrated to claim anything).
Who'd ever know my feeling..

Too frustrated to say, to repeat, to manage this relationship.. (I am being pathetically passive now just as how he has always been.)

But one thing for sure, I think, I might be falling in love with someone else or I already did.
There is a person I like but failed be frank to his affection toward me.

Luckily, I feel better and happier whenever I think of this someone else.
I miss this person.. and I am greedy enough to make a wish of dreaming us together.

Maybe.. too late to say maybe, too late to say how I wish, but I do want to say,
how I wish we could be together, even it's risky and full of uncertainty.
Anyhow, I'd be definitely far more happier than I am now.

Poor me, only being happy in my dream with that someone else.. :(

For the First Time

Oh dear,
This song reminds me of my youth.
First love went with
hug, the first time we hugged
kiss, the first time we kissed.

Unfortunately,

First love died of 
fight, the first time we fought,
quarrel, the first time we quarreled with unfaithfulness.

Nothing matters but one,
Had him ever truly been in love with me?

Struggling with the memory does not help.
How pity was that we met while we were not mature enough.

I want to seize every moment I have now. I want to move on.
-----------------------------------------------------

Would he sing this song to me?

I wonder if
he is moving away now?

I'm now appreciating,
"The Men who can't be moved"
a song he once introduced to me before.


Being more serious about what stated in the lyrics..., will he sing it to me as he did before? If not, I deserve no one else to sing it to me anymore.

My illusion begins to race again,
I wish he can sing it to me...
I want to hear him telling me that
"he is not moving...
cause if one day [I] wake up and find that [I'm] missing [him] and [my] heart starts to wonder where on this earth [he] could be
thinking maybe [I]'ll come back here to the place that [he and I]'d meet
and [I]'d see [him] waiting for [me] on the corner of the street

So [he's] not moving
[he's] not moving"

Well, will he sing this song to me? Who knows...

I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted woman.
Begging for another time to lock up my illusion.

Quotes from The Reader by Bernhard Schlink

"As I looked and looked, the living face became visible in the dead, the young in the old. This is what must happen to old married couples, I thought: the young man is preserved in the old one for her, the beauty and grace of the young woman stay fresh in the old one for him. Why had I not seen this reflection a week ago?"

Exploring Identity and Gender: The Narrative Study of Lives

[Quotes from Exploring Identity and Gender: The Narrative Study of Lives]

"[M]oving into institutions of higher learning may affect dramatically and negatively young women's experiences of themselves." (Lieblich & Josselson, 1994, pp.6)

[Burlesque]

[Quotes from Burlesque]

Ali Rose: Jack, why did you leave Kentucky?
Jack: Well, why did you leave Iowa?
Ali Rose: Because I looked around and realized there wasn't one person whose life I wanted.
Jack: Exactly.

Celebrations of a Broken Heart

Lyrics sharing:
Why does it hurt so bad/ Whitney Houston

These days have been the toughest heartbroken moments I've never had before. It isn't that I was happy......